My Jar is full!

Man! The last couple of weeks have been interesting to say the least. For those that don’t know I have been on a raw food diet for a few weeks now. It has definitely been a challenge but I have seen a tremendous change in myself. Just having the self discipline to even embark on this journey has truly been God orchestrated. It has been some serious detoxing going on. My life has changed and I’m loving it. Listen this one is a long one. Enjoy 😉.

Whenever you do this type of diet, you detox not only your body but you detox mentally as well. The last two weeks I have experienced crazy anxiety beyond what I’ve ever experienced. That is one of the side effects so I had to go through it. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because what I was going through was more so spiritual than anything. Last night I allowed myself to feel whatever it was. The feeling that I was feeling was “grief”. I stood against my kitchen wall and I began to talk to God about what I was feeling. I told God I was tired of fighting and I couldn’t understand why I’m always having to fight. Since I was little I had to fight, I felt like Oprah in the movie “the color purple “.  “ALL MY LIFE I HAD TO FIGHT” LOL!!! I let it all out. I set there and I just cried while my dog looked at me like I was crazy lol. After I was finished I got up wiped my tears and chilled for the evening. I felt a little light. I wasn’t so heavy anymore. Hold this thought, I’m going to show you something.

When I woke up this morning. I heard the Holy Spirit say go workout. I was extremely tired. My body was hurting. The last thing on my mind was working out. Holy Spirit then reminded me of something that happened earlier this week. God had me to weigh myself. I was so happy that I lost so much weight. He then had me to go through my phone where I use to keep track of my weight. I looked and noticed that every time I get to this point I sabotaged myself and gain the weight back. What normally happens is, I get here and then all of the sudden I get down about something. Instead of feeling what I’m feeling and go through it, I put what I’m feeling in a jar and put it on a shelf, and grab a bag of chips and start eating. I used food instead of praying and  I would just eat. This week I felt down so what did I do? You guessed it,I ate a bag of chips that was for Nemo. I don’t have him on the same diet so I still cook for him. These chips went with the dish that he was eating. While I’m eating the chips Nemo looks at me and says “I guess I’m not going to have any chips with my food” I was like dang…… how did I get here? Me taking that time last night to talk to God and cry was a turning point for me.

Back to me not wanting to work out lol. I didn’t give in to my flesh. I had to take my dog out anyway so I put on my workout clothes (I can fit them again 👏🏽) and walked Duma. I didn’t have any music. I just began to walk in silence and pray. One of the things about walking is God really speaks to me. I missed that. I walked Duma for a mile and then took him back to the house because he was tired. I could tell because he kept pushing my leg like “bruh” 🤣. So I put him up and Holy Spirit told me to walk another two miles and grab my jump rope. So I did it. While on my walk God reminded me of a therapy session I had. My therapist told me to list all of the things I needed to grieve in my life. I began to tell her and she said picture a jar, any type of jar. I smiled and said I’m picturing a honey jar. She said what I want you to do is put everything in that jar and take one thing at a time out that you are wanting to grieve and focus on that one thing. What’s amazing to me is that last weekend I had a major talk with God and I began to grieve the loss of my bonus mom. I began to apologize for anything bad I may have done to her or said about her. I even apologized for not spending time with her. I aloud myself to cry and morn her death. Fast forward to last night I grieved another part of my life. God began to tell me that I would let my jar get too full. I’d put stuff in it but never take anything out. Whenever that happens then your jar breaks/explodes. So this is why when I get to a certain point I self sabotage because I don’t go through whatever it is I have to go through. God is soooooooo good!!!!!!!!! When God revealed that, I walked another two miles and did a workout. I pushed myself and didn’t give up. God told me to imagine going up a steep mountain. I’m going up that mountain now. This time I’m going to make it all the way up and down the other side. JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I was walking I saw myself going up. That mountain represents my healing process. God has me on this journey. Even though I feel a little lonely at times. This isolation is what’s needed for my life. His said He wants to get the glory out of everything aspect of my life. People my not understand my distance and isolation BUT GOD does. The thing about God, he created all of us and everything around us. He has the answer for everything in our life. He has the blueprint for our healing, finances, family, relationships. Anything you need he has the blueprints for it. All he asks is for our time and our ear to hear him. God is so good. Well I pray that this helped someone. I have to go. My smoothie is getting warm. Have a blessed day!!!! 

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